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Now then the bible is all about times gone past and some guy known as "God" he was this kind of ultimate being who was able to just kinda make things happen. He started by making one man named Adam now Adam was all alone so God took one of Adams ribs and made Eve with it, now hang on He made Eve from Adam's rib does this mean that in essence Eve is Adam? Or at last a part of him?. Then they had kids who eventually populated the world so we all descended from Adam and Eve who are the same person which means that for the last 2 million years we have been committing incest! Oh great now what else can we tell about ourselves from Adam & Eve? A snake told them to eat an apple from some magical garden, So they were obviously stoned to even consider talking to a snake let alone doing as it told them to. After eating the apple they suddenly noticed they weren�t wearing any clothes, now this might just be me but if I am outside with no clothes on (which is not that often. Honest) the first thing I notice is that it is bloody cold and I am not wearing any clothes. So from this we can tell that they were plain stupid and these are the people we all descended from... hell that puts the human race in a good position. From these few points we notice that they spent all there time stoned, so how do we know that they ever saw this God guy or whether they were just tripin.
And now going back to literally the year 0 well -1 in fact Mary who claimed to be a virgin became pregnant with supposedly
the son of god. Ah I see virgins giving birth is it er well she is more likely to have got drunk one night and met some guy in a bar and went
back to his place, now how is she going to explain that to her husband who had never slept with her? What better way
than to say that god himself had impregnated her with his own son? Yeah that would work because he was stupid after all.
And so the tale of Mary�s kid spread to some of the most gullible people in the world I.E Shepherds & Wise men who came down
to the stables with a lamb (hmm I see quite what they expected Jesus to do with it I don�t know) Gold(back to this later),
frankenscence (josh sticks) & Murr (kind of fur stuff) and they all sat around and watched angels doing there thing. Now bear
in mind that in those days people when they became ill used to eat or smoke strange herbs and fungi. So maybe one of the
shepherds got a cold in his travels and to prevent its spread to others they ate some "medicinal" fungi this would nicely
explain these angels they were talking to.
Later in life Jesus Christ (or J.C for short) did not appear very rich considering that he was given a load of gold on his
birthday I mean what happened to it? Well he probably wasted it all on mad parties during his misspent youth which gets
glossed over in the bible. Now we will comment on the late J.C�s dress sense a night shirt, sandals long hair and a beard.
And his interests peace and love and likes josh sticks well that sounds like the 60�s to me making J.C the worlds first hippie thus starting a religion that all
his mate�s gladly followed in. probably meaning that he used to get them all together and raid the local cannabis farm before
smoking fields of the stuff. J.C�s two most famous acts were telling some one to throw away there crutches and walk now this
person must have been stupid to even try it. The other famous act of J.C was to walk on water, now then in order to achieve the illusion
of walking on water all you need is a small puddle and a couple of acres of cannabis for the crowd to smoke try it some time. but this did not amuse the
Romans who weren�t in to peace and love got tired of it so they nailed J.C to the nearest cross just to make a point and that was the end of J.C. I
mean you would think that his friends would have helped him but no they just watched, saying "Wow this is so heavy man they�ve like
nailed J.C to a kinda giant T thing man what are we gonna do man... hey I know we could like pray to J.C's father" and did praying help... did it buggery!
And there you have it the main parts of the bible nicely explained in the most likely possible way it could have happened. Well it might even be true.